Yowza!

This, my friend, is the bread that nearly burnt my face off.

At first look it may appear as humble jalapeño-cheddar bread, lovingly crafted for a prime spot at the dinner table. But looks, my friend, they are deceiving. This bread will own your fucking face.

Apparently the folks at the market thought it would be a game to distract with an artistic sprinkling of sliced jalapeños over the surface, while riddling the dough itself with jalapeño juice and seeds. Oh yes, that's right, the juice and seeds are in the dough. So what happens, you ask? Well let me tell you. You unsuspectingly bite into this monstrous creation masquerading as an appealing artisanal bread, notice a pleasant tingling of heat from the jalapeño, the piquant bite of sharp cheddar, the pleasant crispness of the crust. And then you chew. It as at chewing time you realize that pleasant tingle you noticed before is turning into a raging, vengeful fire in your mouth. Within seconds your mouth feels like it may actually burst into flame. Your eyes bug out and you instantly start to sweat. In your haste to grab a glass of milk to quench the hell-like fury you nearly spill an entire gallon of milk.

After guzzling nearly a pint of fat-free milk you notice your husband out of the corner of your eye, still seated at the dinner table, snickering and happily nibbling away on a huge chunk of the devil's own jalapeño-cheddar bread.

Jerk.